Divorcing Parents
It’s a popular belief that parents should try and avoid getting a divorce at all costs. Simply because children who come from broken homes face a bigger chance of screwing up their lives.
While I do not necessarily disagree that parents should indeed try and work out their issues, I have, however, a certain level of disagreement with the rest of the above idea, in that I totally disagree with it. 
First of all I don’t know how many of the supporters of such an idea find themselves in the position of living next to a spouse whom they just stopped loving or get into fights with all the time or even hate them. It’s not an easy thing to do. It’s extremely uncomfortable, to say the least.
I know everyone says they would do anything for the well being of their children (provided they loved them, of course). Nothing wrong with that. I would do too.
But have you ever stopped for a second and trully and honestly analyze the situation? Have you ever really thought what is the child going through? Is it really this the best solution? I have come to the conclusion that it isn’t.
Let’s start with the beginning. What is the child going through? What does he or she see all day long? A couple who can’t stand each other. Who dislike (to use a nice word) each other so much that they can’t spend one single minute in one another’s company. Who don’t sleep in the same bed anymore. Who don’t talk to each other anymore for months in a row (probably because they realize that any attempt of a conversation - on any topic - would lead to yet another fight). Who don’t agree on anything, in many cases not even when it comes to the child’s future. He sees a house in which everything is stagnant because the parents just can’t agree on any major projects (such as painting the house, redoing the kitchen or bathroom, buying new furniture etc.)
This is a very disoriented child who just doesn’t know what to do because one of the parents will always disagree.
You know how usually children choose one of their parents as a model in life? Well, in this case it’s kind of hard to do so. It’s very hard for him or her to see any good in any of the two parents as all he/she hears about all day long is the ugly sides of them. Sometimes because the parents take the really unhealthy approach of talking to their child about such issues pointing to him or her such faults. Other times because (voluntarily or not) he/she is present at some of the numerous figths between the parents which end up in a myriad of finger pointing and reciprocal accusations.
In many cases the child ends up not fully understanding the nice, good, beautiful sides of the parents, but only the ugly, nasty ones. Depending on how early in life this happens, if they lack the maturity to realize on their own that, most likely, the parents are not necessarily bad people, they’re just mean to each other, they might end up not much different than “children who come from a broken home”. Why? Because a house without the least of harmony and the least level of normality, it’s not easy to take.
While in many cases kids raised by a single parent screw up their life because of lack of parental control, education and just plain simple presence (whether because that parent is working probably 2-3 jobs and simply doesn’t have the time for any of those or she or he just doesn’t really care about the child), in the case we’re talking about now, the same thing can happen, sometimes for the same reason or for some other ones.
One of them is that in such houses, as I said, there’s a continuous tension and hard to take atmosphere. So what is the child going to do? Look for outside sources of support, friendship and, many times, parenthood. Needless to say, in many cases, there’s a very short distance between this moment and the one when the parents loose control over the child.
Other children get affected by this situation in another way. Seeing how, in their house, every single disagreement can lead to nasty fights and, over time, getting sick and tired of them, they might, in many cases unconsciously, become the kind of person who agrees with everybody, just to avoid a fight. He or she might never ever be able to find the strength to fight for his or her rights. Everyone takes advantage of them.
I don’t want you to think that what I’m trying to say is that at the first fight all parents should go and file for divorce. That’s absolutely not my point. What I’m advocating is that those parents who find themselves incapable of working things out between themselves, when it’s clear to everyone they’re both like two hard rocks which bang against each other all the time without any of them breaking, when everything that could be done was done (see a counselor, take a break from each other etc), when it’s clear for all parties that they’re dealing with a failing marriage they should let it fail. It’s not worth it, and more than that, it will be a rather negative influence for everyone. It’s time to let go.
And the sooner it’s done the better. The younger the children, the sooner they will forget. It will be a little harder to take, but it will be easier to get over it. Besides that, the sooner the less damage they have to endure.
In the same time, the sooner the younger the parents are and bigger the chances they will find another partner with whom to start a new family. The later, the bigger the chances they will not and the bigger the chances they just won’t have the power to start all over again. They might be so sick and tired of it and scared of failing again, they might just choose to not even try anymore.
And so everyone’s screwed.
I have to admit that all of the above comes from my own eperience. It’s what I’ve been through, what I’ve seen others go through and what I find to be some other very possible effects of continuing a marriage for the sake of the children.
I really wish nobody would have to go through any of them. Unfortunately life sucks (but it beats the alternative) and there’s always going to be parents and children struggling with this. For the sake of everyone, I honestly hope I’ve made my point clear enough and that others will have the power to put a stop to their marriage (when it’s clear there’s no more hope) before it gets out of control.
