First and foremost I want to give my true, honest condolences to all those who have lost a loved one (family member, friend, colleague etc) at VT.

Then, before I go on with what I have to say about this topic - which might get some of you to strongly disagree with me - I need to let everyone know that I am both a very pragmatic, practical person (1+1=2 in any given situation, no matter how you twist it) as well as a bit of a dreamer who believes that no government on this planet will ever completely solve any problems, and that the only way we can get at least close to having a better world is by each and every one of us being at least a little bit of a better person.

These being said, I will start by saying that every time I hear of anything even remotely similar to the VT tragedy, I can’t help it but ask myself: why the innocent people?

Here’s the deal: in any such situations when someone with huge personal problems decides to do something like that, as far as I am concerned, a certain person (or maybe several) triggered the “short circuit” that determines the killer to do such horrible things. Why not go only after those folks? Why not go only after those against whom they seek revenge? Am I saying that it’s O.K. to kill someone as an act of revenge? My God, NO!!! However, (and remember 1+1=2 no matter what) folks like this student, once they made up their mind to kill a certain person as an act of revenge are going to do it no matter what, whether I like it or not, whether you like it or not, whether anyone else likes it or not. Unfortunately, that’s the cruel truth. The ecuation being given, I go back to my question: why the innocent? Whether we’re talking about this case, the Columbine Highschool, the Washington sniper or the just a few months old Chicago case of the truck driver who convinced that one patent lawyer scamed him, decided to make his own law and went out to kill him, taking the lives of 3 or 4 other innocent people. (I’ll come back to why I believe that Cho’s killings started as a matter of some sort of revenge.)

The answer might come when we think that such folks are mentally deranged. What else can you expect from such a person? They’re crazy, right? I agree with you. However, another theory of mine comes to mind. Who is normal in the first place and what does normal mean? I have yet to see one single person whom I haven’t considered (at certain points in time) to be trully and honestly crazy. Whether I think of rage bursts or financial decisions (yes my friend) or complete personality changes of a person together with the change of the environment. And if you’re telling me you have never, yourself, been in a situation after which you asked yourself: “What was up with that? What was I thinking? What is the matter with me?” I will tell it to your face: I don’t believe you! These being said I repeat my question: who is normal and what does normal actually mean?

Am I trying to defend those who commit such atrocities? No. However, I like to find explanations for anything that intrigues me. Since this is one issue that does intrigue me, I have thought of it and came to the conclusion that we’re all mentally deranged. What keeps most us from commiting such horrible acts are the strength of our personalities and the environment in which we go about our daily lives.

As one phsichologist interviewed on one of the news channels put it: we tend to blame others for everything that goes wrong in our lives. How many times has it happened to you? I’ve certainly done it a few times and I’m sure I’ll do it again. If we don’t find the strength within ourselves or within our circle of friends and family to realize both that many bad things are the result of our own wrong doings and that even when it is someone else’s fault, life is too short to let such things affect us and just get over it and move on to the next, it’s very easy to allow them to pile up and affect us in such a manner that we evntually snap.

If you take a look at Monday’s events at VT and others similar to it, you realize that it’s not the kind of snap where you just brake something or hit someone out of frustration, but the one that leads to planning the “revenge against society”. What makes them worse is that such revenge is not targeted towards a certain person or thing, but, as I said, society in general. In other cases they start with a certain person and either planned or not, go on to innocent people.

I personally believe that Virginia Tech was planned to target a certain person (the first girl he murdered) and then go after “the society”. You most likely have heard by now about Cho’s note, writings (you can find them here) and the fact that he had bought 2 guns within a month.

Needless to say, there are already voices who make a conection between the VT events and the war in Iraq. The question on many folks’ lips is “Why is it that we make such a tragic event only out of the VT case and do not treat the victims of the war in Iraq the same way?” It is a very legitimate question and there is an answer to it. We might like it or not, but the truth of the matter is that whether we’re talking about civilians or soldiers in Iraq (and in any previous, present and future war zones), these people are in a war zone. And whether we like to admit it or not, war zones come with casualties. We expect them to happen. Whilst, killings, such as those in VA, come as a shock because they happen where and when nobody expects it. They take everyone by surprise. Are these lives in any way more precious than those of the soldiers and civilians killed during wars? They’re not any more or any less precious. However, unconsciounsly, both the general public, as well as those who have dear ones in any war zone, become accustomed with the certainty that there will be deaths in those areas and the possibility that their loved ones might be among the victims. It’s the element of shock, the unexpected and more than that, the unimaginable that students might die out of the blue for no reason that make such events world wide news stories.

On the other hands, many civilians and soldiers in a war zone have a choice: civilians - to move out; soldiers - not to enroll. I know this is a very simplistic statement and that the situation is much more complicated. Many of us would rather die than flee our homes in front of a threat that can be fought against. Soldiers are driven by their love for their country and they feel it’s their duty to protect it and its values. And I agree. However, by simply saying “I would rather die than do something”, by simply saying “I have to protect my country and its values” you bring upon you the choice. You could choose not to endanger your life. Would you have been able to live with yourself? Most likely not. But you had a choice. You knew the danger was there, yet you chose to fight it hoping you will survive. As for victims of events such as Monday’s, they do not have a choice. Nobody is expecting something like that to happen. Nobody is even dreaming of it. Nobody gives them any choice. They are at the absolute discretion of a lunatic.

A friend of mine told me that, while checking the international coverage of the events, saw a title in a newspaper that said somehing like “The killings in Virginia are as American as the apple pie.” At first I found it a bit shocking, but after taking part in a few conversations and hearing on the news how many people believe that indeed such events are a result of the relaxed gun control policy in the U.S. I took a moment to think about it. And came to the realisation that it kind of makes sense. I just heard it on the news, that up until 1996 (or something like that) Australia used to have numerous such incidents (on average, almost every 18 months) until they tightened the gun control legislation. I realized that, indeed, I haven’t heard of any such events from any other country in the world. Needless to say this will start a whole new debate on the subject (Gun Control - How Strict Should It Be?). The truth is, as always, somewhere in the middle.

However, I strongly believe that, before the debate starts, we need to let some time go by (no good decisions ever come out of agitated spirits).

What all of us should do is take a step back and analize our own situation: how much of a disturbed person each and everyone one of us is (be true to yourself; we owe it to all the victims of such tragedies and their families and friends) and how much does each of us contribute to other people’s madness. I just saw an interview with a couple of former highschool coleagues of Cho’s. They talked about how weird of a guy he was regarded as and some of the reactions of those around him. It seems like he was so quiet, that there were students who went to him and offered him $10 just to say “Hi”. What place do you think such actions found in his personality (which already seemed to be deranged). And yes my dear friends, you need to teach your children that bullying is not O.K. That we all have to show respect to everyone just for being a human being, regardless of how strange you find that person to be. Some of these personality problems form in early childhood. And another big YES, too many adults seem to lack the maturity to treat other people with the mere respect any human being deserves.

Next time when you walk pass by someone who seems to have a problem (and in most instances you can tell), instead of throwing them a mean look, instead of treating them as you were in any way superior to them, just smile to them. Say hello. And I’m ready to bet anyone that if we all did the same thing, fewer and fewer incidents will occur and more and more people will eventually find the strength to find their way back in society.

I remember an episode of “Friends” in which Jason Alexander played an office supply manager who was getting ready to commit suicide simply because he had been working for the same company for about 10 years (or so), yet, nobody in the office seemed to notice his existence or know who he was or whether he was working there or not. And I’m quite positive you can find someone like him in any office. Someone who goes by unnoticed, someone who gets left out of any single activity, conversation etc. How about next time when you see that person, you just say hi to him/her. The following time say a bit more than just hi, maybe start a conversation. And just keep going no matter how much resistance you have to deal with and show you really and trully care about him/her just for being your colleague. And who knows, you might just save someone’s life.

The examples could go on and on. Just look around you and give a smile.

I hope I have managed to make my point clear: without wanting to find any excuses for such unfortunate events, I had to be honest to myself and you, and talk about the issue the way I see it.

God bless us all.

I’m as nice as possible on any given situation. Honestly!

It all started when I was working in the restaurant business. I used to get really mad at all the people who would be nasty to me and my coleagues for no reason at all. Everyone who worked in a restaurant has at least one experience of this kind. I have so many, I can’t even remember all of them.

The restaurants I used to work in were on the beach in Florida. You would think people who are on the beach are having a good time, are relaxed and easy going. Not only not all of them are like that, but most of them are quite the opposite. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t get it.

Anyway, the result of all this is that I made a pledge to myself to be as nice as possible to all the people I will ever have contact with.

It has been a little hard at the beginning. I understand the reasons why people are nasty for no apparent reason: most of the times is because we’re unable to leave our problems behind; it’s a lot easier to take them with us everywhere we go and take it out on whoever comes in our way (especially when that person is in a position that doesn’t allow him or her to fight back, such as a server, a cashier, a customer service rep etc.)

But I kept fighting my natural tendencies when it comes to this and I’m proud to say I’ve managed to get to the point where no matter how tough of a day I had, I’ll smile and say a couple of nice words or make a joke with those who have no fault whatsoever for my bad day.

I don’t want you to think I’ll let anyone walk all over me. Whoever decides to give me an attitude, they’d better watch themselves, as I can very easily become an S.O.B.

However, as I said, if the folks I come in contact with during my day, don’t start a “fight” with me I’ll be the nicest person in the whole world.

How do I do this? It’s not really that hard, once you get used to it. I don’t find it hard at all to put up a smile when I get to the cashier to pay for my purchases. I often make jokes and many times I even make fun of myself. It’s also quite easy to start a short conversation (provided that me doing so doesn’t build a long line behind me). These are my ways. Making fun of myself I learned from a friend of mine who has quite a lot of success with it (when he’s in the mood to do so).

Since most of these people are required by their jobs to be nice with you, it’s that much easier to keep your relationship with them on the same path, by being nice to them yourself.

It’s true that many of them don’t follow the rules and don’t even try to have a decent attitude towards you. However, it’s not really that hard for you to be the better person. Just step over your pride and you’ll see how much better you’ll feel. My experience tells me that in most cases, your atempts will be rewarded. They’ll put aside their attitude and realize they’ve been wrong. That you’re not their enemy. That you do deserve their respect and a good treatment.

The better I get at this, the happier I am I worked so hard to make it something natural (which I now do kind of like out of instinct). It makes me feel better; it improves my bad days (simply by making me forget about the problems I’ve been through); it makes me happy that I made someone else’s day a little better (which happens in 90% of the cases).

That’s why my friends I’m always as nice as possible. Give it a try, and I’m positive you won’t regret it.

Daniel Jackson from The Equity Advantage left a comment on one of my posts, nicely pointing out what I was trying to say:

It’s kind of funny all the things we have to go through to “stay safe” when in reality there’s a backdoor that any criminal can easily take.

He then goes on to mention that the particular situation I talked about is similar to gun control:

[...] gun control laws don’t stop the criminals from getting guns - the criminals don’t go through legal channels. So the laws only make it harder for the law-abiding citizens to get guns.

I agree with it.

However, you knew that was coming , it reminded of a couple of times I thought of the issue. The problem is that I can’t really come up with the right solution (don’t we all just love to give the perfect solution to all problems?) And it’s not that different than what I had written.

Have you ever smoked? Or do you know someone that is smoking and has tried to quit a few times? Any smoker who tried to quit (succesfully or not) will tell you that, there’s still a chance of succeeding even if you have one once in a while at a party, bar etc. However, once you have bought one single pack you’re back at it.

What does this have to do with gun control?

Here’s the deal. I know and understand there’s many legitimate situations when people really need to protect themselves and that many times their only solution is to own a gun (read Jose’s post). For some reason, though, the following question keeps coming back to my mind: what if someone who has a gun because of relaxed laws (probably a not so mentally stable person) decides to use it not necessarilly for personal protection? There’s plenty of scenarios. Let’s say that person gets pissed off at his/her neighbour for whatever stupid reason, can’t control himself/herself and decides to use it. It was there. Just like the pack of cigarettes. You have it, you feel like using it, you use it.

I can already hear you guys. “Why should I be denied the chance to protect myself because of nut cases who can’t control themselves?” “Why did you end your previous post the way you did if you agree with strict security measures?” “Why you gotta be like that when all Daniel did was agree with you and emphasize your point?”

Now that I’m thinking about these possible reactions, I’m having second thoughts as to whether I should publish this post or not. (I think I will anyway.)

It’s because I’m not necessarily against tight security measures. However, what makes them seem pointless (and makes me angry) is not putting them in practice equally for everyone or not at all for some.

The answer to my problem lays in two words: stupidity and ignorance. The answer to Daniel’s problem lays in one word: corruption.

I’m quite positive there’s rules about securing the back doors to everything. For one reason or another, though, (see above paragraph) they are not put in practice.

Besides all these, there’s another issue that comes to mind. It seems to me that many times the Government (of any country) issues such tough security measures to gain public approval. Unfortunately there’s many people (ignorant, misinformed or completely uninformed) who buy into these kind of tactics. As a result, they might go on for quite a while.

I really don’t want to get into “the Government is to blame for everything that goes wrong” theory (I don’t agree with it). However, every now and then, it does feel like it. I’ll leave it to that.

Please leave your thoughts and please be kind .

Daniel, I really hope you got my point.

Take your time and see if you can read each LINE aloud without a mistake. The average person can’t do it.

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is idiot cat
8. This is busy cat
9. This is for cat
10. This is forty cat
11. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD WORD in each LINE from the top down.

Gotcha!