I was born and raised in an area where I was able to enjoy all of the four seasons. Then I lived in Florida for 4 years. One of the reasons I personally didn’t like it was the fact that there’s one season and one season only: summer. I normally love summer. However, for those entire four years I hated it. I was craving winter. And craving it badly.

Eventually, last year I moved to Chicago. Needless to say, I was quite excited about the upcoming winter. And what a winter we had! I just loved it. To the point where all my friends started making jokes that everyone hates winter around here, except for me. Little do they know that after the first month or so, it started bugging me. I was talking on the phone with friends from Florida, they were telling me how nice and warm it was there and I started wanting summer again. (But just so you know, I didn’t tell anyone.)

Then, all of sudden, one day I started thinking about my situation: I craved winter so badly, and now that I have it, I don’t want it anymore.

Whacked out as I am, I began making all kind of associations.

For example, how many kids do you know that drive their parents nuts about a toy they want, but once they have it they play with it for a few days and then off to bugging the parents for another one.

Has it ever happened to you to want to quit a job really badly, only to want to go back once you’re out of it?

Is the grass really greener on the other side?

While sometimes it is, most of the times is just an illusion.

I decided to fight it. And I started by trying to figure out when I’m dealing with just pure saturation, when it’s human nature and when it’s just my awfully unstable personality (to the point where I think I have ADD).

I can’t tell you how to do that. Each of us has to figure it out on their own.

What I can tell you is the approach for those situations when it’s human nature that keeps me from being happy: be happy with what I have.

Before you yell at me that this is how the rich people want us to think to keep us poor so they can stay rich, let me explain.

First of all, I am trying to make a better financial life for myself. So far I got myself out of debt. From now on comes investment for the future.

Then I’m going to say something probably even more awkward: learning to be happy with what you have, might actually help you in the battle for a better life. It calms you down and it gives you the clarity to see things from an objective point of view. To realize what dreams have a chance to become reality and to make a plan and which ones are just out of the question (for example, no matter how badly I would like to, I could never ever become a singer – I just don’t have the voice for it).

And once you have used the peace given to you by your ability to be happy with what you have to plan for your big break, until that happens, you can actually enjoy life. None of my personal achievements which put me through hell brought me any happiness. They became rather something I was glad I was done with. On the other, once I learned my lesson, I was able to take the necessary steps for accomplishing my goals and, at the same time, free myself of all the worries and the stress, and enjoy my life while waiting for the results.

Learning to be happy with what you have also gives you better tools to decide whether you really want the greener grass from the other side or not. Do you? If you do, we go back to being able to build and put into action a plan to get it.

But how can I learn to be happy with what I have?

Again, I can only tell you how I do it.

For that, let me ask you this: do you find yourself many times wanting to have what your friends have? Even if it’s not many times, it’s the place to start. To make my advice easier to understand I’m going to use examples.

When I moved to Chicago, a friend of mine and his girlfriend had just bought their own place. I was all excited for them and all I could think about was how badly I wished I had a place of my own. Because at the time I was deep in debt, it was just out of the question. In the mean time, I got to spend a lot of time at their place and realized it’s just another house. And that it’s what you make out of it that makes it home. Don’t get me wrong. It’s an awesome place and I love it. But since they became my best friends here in Chicago, I get to spend a lot of time over there. And they are the first ones who gave me the chance to see exactly what it means to own a house. I saw their own excitement go down a little bit. It’s not such a big deal for them anymore either. In the mean time I tried to get my own place, but for various reasons it didn’t work out. And to be honest with you, I’m happy. Why? The frenzy went away. Owning a house doesn’t impress me anymore. I’m happy with the apartment I share with my roommate for $300 a month (my share). I know what many think: why pay that rent to someone else and not yourself? Because if you add the taxes, maintenance (assessment) and interest paid to the bank, it’s over $300 which, as far as I’m concerned is wasted money. Add to that the monthly payment for the principal and I just don’t have the money for that. (Actually I do have it, but I would rather use it to plant the seeds for some other type of investments.) Again, the $300 is wasted money anyway. Put that together with the real estate market we’re having here in Chicago right now and it’s just not the time. This is one example of how I learned to be happy with what I have and how that, further on, cooled me down and helped me realize buying my own place is not what I really want YET. Yet, I repeat. I am a believer of “own your own house” current. I just realized it’s not for me yet. I don’t even want to think about the trouble I would have been through if I would have gotten my hands on the greener grass.

Here’s another example. I just love BMW cars. It’s the one kind of car I truly hope to own one day. I could probably buy one today. But I’m not willing to. Financial reasons again. However, that’s not the whole story. I am quite happy with my 2004 Chevy Cavalier. You want to know why? Because I had the chance to ride in a BMW. Even drive one. After all, IT’S JUST A CAR. What drive their prices up a lot and make them luxury are features I don’t necessarily need and the name. What I need right now is an affordable car. I don’t need a luxury. I’m not in that place (hopefully, YET). I cooled off after I drove it and I learned to be happy with my car. Learning this taught me that, while I will one day own a BMW, it’s just not the time yet.

As you can see, in both cases, having the chance to experience (even if only to some degree) the greener grass on the other side, helped me learn to be happy with the one that I have on my side. It helped me think straight, figure out what exactly I want and make plans for getting there while being happy on the way. It also helped as an exercise to learn that just because someone has something that seems nice and interesting, it doesn’t necessarily mean that having the same thing will make me happy.

I suggest you start in the same place. Look at little things some of your friends have which you would like to have. Ask them to let you “play” with them and get that virus out of you. After a while you’ll learn to do it on your own. And you’ll see that you’ll enjoy life much more.

I’ve just heard it the other day in a show. It got me thinking about a very good friend of mine who told me before (and still does whenever the issue comes up) that he’s never been good at Math. “I never planned on being an engineer or accountant or financial adviser or any of those things that require you to know more than adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing some simple numbers. I can do that and that’s all I need to know. When it comes to Math all I ever did in school was to get some passing grades and that was just fine with me.”

Before I go any further I must confess that I am a bit subjective about the whole topic as I’ve always liked Math. I never really took it to the extreme (as to make a hobby out of it or to become a Math teacher or anything like that) but it has always been my favorite subject in school. It was the one subject I was never afraid of when it came to tests, exams, papers and stuff. (And I was always helping others, thank you very much.)

Now that I think back at all the time I “wasted” on Math without having any direct results, I realize that it is probably the one subject in school that prepared me for life. That’s right my friends. Math prepares you for life. By learning math you learn to see patterns in everything around you (and in 90% of the situations life is all about patterns); it teaches you to make connections between pieces of information; it teaches you to solve puzzles (puzzles of the life); it teaches you that in order to get any type of results in life you have to follow certain steps and formulas (how many times have you wished you knew the formula to success – no matter what type of success we’re talking about); it teaches you that everything in life has a cause and an effect, that everything happens for a reason and that there’s a result of everything that happens in life; it teaches you how to look for solutions to certain situations and how to find the first steps you need to take in anything you have to do. If you believe I don’t know what I’m talking about you might want to check this web site.

“Well, of course you Math people are going to say only good things about it. You like it, love it maybe, and understand it. It’s easy for you to talk.” No, my friend. Understanding Math has nothing to do with what I’ve just said. Besides that, I have no interest to talk nice about Math. I’m not a teacher and my job doesn’t even involve any complicated Math (just simple Arithmetics). What I’ve just said about it comes out of pure belief and practical observations around me.

“Whatever you say. The problem is that I just don’t get it!”. I’m really sorry if I sound harsh, but you don’t get it because you don’t try hard enough. I am a strong believer that each and everyone of us is born with equal basic intellectual capacities. However, at some point in time, for one reason or another we decide to cultivate just a few. The reasons vary. From this moment on we’re working on what we think we’re good at and ignore the other stuff, thus becoming good at what we think we’re good at and getting sloppy at the other ones. Because it’s all about practice. You’re good at what you practice the most.

I’ll give you three examples in support of my theory.

As you probably realized (by my writing style, my English and if you read my About page) English is my second language. I was born and raised in Romania. I learned part of my English in school. I had no real problems with it as I liked it from the very beginning. I had, however, classmates who were on the verge of failing their year just because they could not get passing grades at English. When they realized the gravity of the situation they decided it was time to unfold the mysteries of the language. And guess what? They got it. It wasn’t easy. But they worked hard and realized it’s not really that difficult. They just had to want to do it, sit down and concentrate at what they had to do and, eventually, it all came naturally. A couple of them (who kept on going with their efforts) got quite good at it. I used this example to emphasize that this is the way things are with everything, not just Math. You have to want to do it, sit down and concentrate at what you’re about to study.

I’m going to use another example that goes the other way. As I mentioned before, Math has always been my favorite subject. Naturally, other type of subjects (and I’m especially talking about Literature) were anything but something I enjoyed. Until a couple of years ago, when I had to take on Composition 1 & 2. I was terrified. I was never good at writing stuff (Composition 1) or literature analysis (Composition 2). But I decided I was going to give it a try. I just took on the challenge one step at a time. And guess what? Before I knew it, people in my class were asking me to read my essays each and every single class. Even the professors loved them. It certainly sounds like bragging. And of course my writing skills could use a good deal of improvement. But that’s not the point. The point is that I am the living proof that if you put your mind to it you can get good at anything.

The only exception I can personally think of is physical disability. For example, one of the many jobs I took on was construction. Actually I tried doing construction twice (altogether about a year). I have finally gave up on it because my back was killing me. No matter how many types of supporting belts I tries, I just couldn’t make it work.

I started with Math and look what I ended up talking about. That was my intention from the very beginning. The bottom line, as I have mentioned it a couple of times throughout the post, is that anyone can get a grip of anything on this planet. Our brain is such an amazing thing. You can understand and get good at anything. You just have to want to (and for that you need to understand what’s going to do for you – see Math above) and really concentrate on what you will have to do and learn.

I wish you lots of good luck and don’t hesitate to let me know how things are working between you and Math (or anything else for that matter).

Then, before I go on with what I have to say about this topic – which might get some of you to strongly disagree with me – I need to let everyone know that I am both a very pragmatic, practical person (1+1=2 in any given situation, no matter how you twist it) as well as a bit of a dreamer who believes that no government on this planet will ever completely solve any problems, and that the only way we can get at least close to having a better world is by each and every one of us being at least a little bit of a better person.

These being said, I will start by saying that every time I hear of anything even remotely similar to the VT tragedy, I can’t help it but ask myself: why the innocent people?

Here’s the deal: in any such situations when someone with huge personal problems decides to do something like that, as far as I am concerned, a certain person (or maybe several) triggered the “short circuit” that determines the killer to do such horrible things. Why not go only after those folks? Why not go only after those against whom they seek revenge? Am I saying that it’s O.K. to kill someone as an act of revenge? My God, NO!!! However, (and remember 1+1=2 no matter what) folks like this student, once they made up their mind to kill a certain person as an act of revenge are going to do it no matter what, whether I like it or not, whether you like it or not, whether anyone else likes it or not. Unfortunately, that’s the cruel truth. The ecuation being given, I go back to my question: why the innocent? Whether we’re talking about this case, the Columbine Highschool, the Washington sniper or the just a few months old Chicago case of the truck driver who convinced that one patent lawyer scamed him, decided to make his own law and went out to kill him, taking the lives of 3 or 4 other innocent people. (I’ll come back to why I believe that Cho’s killings started as a matter of some sort of revenge.)

The answer might come when we think that such folks are mentally deranged. What else can you expect from such a person? They’re crazy, right? I agree with you. However, another theory of mine comes to mind. Who is normal in the first place and what does normal mean? I have yet to see one single person whom I haven’t considered (at certain points in time) to be trully and honestly crazy. Whether I think of rage bursts or financial decisions (yes my friend) or complete personality changes of a person together with the change of the environment. And if you’re telling me you have never, yourself, been in a situation after which you asked yourself: “What was up with that? What was I thinking? What is the matter with me?” I will tell it to your face: I don’t believe you! These being said I repeat my question: who is normal and what does normal actually mean?

Am I trying to defend those who commit such atrocities? No. However, I like to find explanations for anything that intrigues me. Since this is one issue that does intrigue me, I have thought of it and came to the conclusion that we’re all mentally deranged. What keeps most us from commiting such horrible acts are the strength of our personalities and the environment in which we go about our daily lives.

As one phsichologist interviewed on one of the news channels put it: we tend to blame others for everything that goes wrong in our lives. How many times has it happened to you? I’ve certainly done it a few times and I’m sure I’ll do it again. If we don’t find the strength within ourselves or within our circle of friends and family to realize both that many bad things are the result of our own wrong doings and that even when it is someone else’s fault, life is too short to let such things affect us and just get over it and move on to the next, it’s very easy to allow them to pile up and affect us in such a manner that we evntually snap.

If you take a look at Monday’s events at VT and others similar to it, you realize that it’s not the kind of snap where you just brake something or hit someone out of frustration, but the one that leads to planning the “revenge against society”. What makes them worse is that such revenge is not targeted towards a certain person or thing, but, as I said, society in general. In other cases they start with a certain person and either planned or not, go on to innocent people.

I personally believe that Virginia Tech was planned to target a certain person (the first girl he murdered) and then go after “the society”. You most likely have heard by now about Cho’s note, writings (you can find them here) and the fact that he had bought 2 guns within a month.

Needless to say, there are already voices who make a conection between the VT events and the war in Iraq. The question on many folks’ lips is “Why is it that we make such a tragic event only out of the VT case and do not treat the victims of the war in Iraq the same way?” It is a very legitimate question and there is an answer to it. We might like it or not, but the truth of the matter is that whether we’re talking about civilians or soldiers in Iraq (and in any previous, present and future war zones), these people are in a war zone. And whether we like to admit it or not, war zones come with casualties. We expect them to happen. Whilst, killings, such as those in VA, come as a shock because they happen where and when nobody expects it. They take everyone by surprise. Are these lives in any way more precious than those of the soldiers and civilians killed during wars? They’re not any more or any less precious. However, unconsciounsly, both the general public, as well as those who have dear ones in any war zone, become accustomed with the certainty that there will be deaths in those areas and the possibility that their loved ones might be among the victims. It’s the element of shock, the unexpected and more than that, the unimaginable that students might die out of the blue for no reason that make such events world wide news stories.

On the other hands, many civilians and soldiers in a war zone have a choice: civilians – to move out; soldiers – not to enroll. I know this is a very simplistic statement and that the situation is much more complicated. Many of us would rather die than flee our homes in front of a threat that can be fought against. Soldiers are driven by their love for their country and they feel it’s their duty to protect it and its values. And I agree. However, by simply saying “I would rather die than do something”, by simply saying “I have to protect my country and its values” you bring upon you the choice. You could choose not to endanger your life. Would you have been able to live with yourself? Most likely not. But you had a choice. You knew the danger was there, yet you chose to fight it hoping you will survive. As for victims of events such as Monday’s, they do not have a choice. Nobody is expecting something like that to happen. Nobody is even dreaming of it. Nobody gives them any choice. They are at the absolute discretion of a lunatic.

A friend of mine told me that, while checking the international coverage of the events, saw a title in a newspaper that said somehing like “The killings in Virginia are as American as the apple pie.” At first I found it a bit shocking, but after taking part in a few conversations and hearing on the news how many people believe that indeed such events are a result of the relaxed gun control policy in the U.S. I took a moment to think about it. And came to the realisation that it kind of makes sense. I just heard it on the news, that up until 1996 (or something like that) Australia used to have numerous such incidents (on average, almost every 18 months) until they tightened the gun control legislation. I realized that, indeed, I haven’t heard of any such events from any other country in the world. Needless to say this will start a whole new debate on the subject (Gun Control – How Strict Should It Be?). The truth is, as always, somewhere in the middle.

However, I strongly believe that, before the debate starts, we need to let some time go by (no good decisions ever come out of agitated spirits).

What all of us should do is take a step back and analize our own situation: how much of a disturbed person each and everyone one of us is (be true to yourself; we owe it to all the victims of such tragedies and their families and friends) and how much does each of us contribute to other people’s madness. I just saw an interview with a couple of former highschool coleagues of Cho’s. They talked about how weird of a guy he was regarded as and some of the reactions of those around him. It seems like he was so quiet, that there were students who went to him and offered him $10 just to say “Hi”. What place do you think such actions found in his personality (which already seemed to be deranged). And yes my dear friends, you need to teach your children that bullying is not O.K. That we all have to show respect to everyone just for being a human being, regardless of how strange you find that person to be. Some of these personality problems form in early childhood. And another big YES, too many adults seem to lack the maturity to treat other people with the mere respect any human being deserves.

Next time when you walk pass by someone who seems to have a problem (and in most instances you can tell), instead of throwing them a mean look, instead of treating them as you were in any way superior to them, just smile to them. Say hello. And I’m ready to bet anyone that if we all did the same thing, fewer and fewer incidents will occur and more and more people will eventually find the strength to find their way back in society.

I remember an episode of “Friends” in which Jason Alexander played an office supply manager who was getting ready to commit suicide simply because he had been working for the same company for about 10 years (or so), yet, nobody in the office seemed to notice his existence or know who he was or whether he was working there or not. And I’m quite positive you can find someone like him in any office. Someone who goes by unnoticed, someone who gets left out of any single activity, conversation etc. How about next time when you see that person, you just say hi to him/her. The following time say a bit more than just hi, maybe start a conversation. And just keep going no matter how much resistance you have to deal with and show you really and trully care about him/her just for being your colleague. And who knows, you might just save someone’s life.

The examples could go on and on. Just look around you and give a smile.

I hope I have managed to make my point clear: without wanting to find any excuses for such unfortunate events, I had to be honest to myself and you, and talk about the issue the way I see it.

God bless us all.

It all started when I was working in the restaurant business. I used to get really mad at all the people who would be nasty to me and my coleagues for no reason at all. Everyone who worked in a restaurant has at least one experience of this kind. I have so many, I can’t even remember all of them.

The restaurants I used to work in were on the beach in Florida. You would think people who are on the beach are having a good time, are relaxed and easy going. Not only not all of them are like that, but most of them are quite the opposite. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t get it.

Anyway, the result of all this is that I made a pledge to myself to be as nice as possible to all the people I will ever have contact with.

It has been a little hard at the beginning. I understand the reasons why people are nasty for no apparent reason: most of the times is because we’re unable to leave our problems behind; it’s a lot easier to take them with us everywhere we go and take it out on whoever comes in our way (especially when that person is in a position that doesn’t allow him or her to fight back, such as a server, a cashier, a customer service rep etc.)

But I kept fighting my natural tendencies when it comes to this and I’m proud to say I’ve managed to get to the point where no matter how tough of a day I had, I’ll smile and say a couple of nice words or make a joke with those who have no fault whatsoever for my bad day.

I don’t want you to think I’ll let anyone walk all over me. Whoever decides to give me an attitude, they’d better watch themselves, as I can very easily become an S.O.B.

However, as I said, if the folks I come in contact with during my day, don’t start a “fight” with me I’ll be the nicest person in the whole world.

How do I do this? It’s not really that hard, once you get used to it. I don’t find it hard at all to put up a smile when I get to the cashier to pay for my purchases. I often make jokes and many times I even make fun of myself. It’s also quite easy to start a short conversation (provided that me doing so doesn’t build a long line behind me). These are my ways. Making fun of myself I learned from a friend of mine who has quite a lot of success with it (when he’s in the mood to do so).

Since most of these people are required by their jobs to be nice with you, it’s that much easier to keep your relationship with them on the same path, by being nice to them yourself.

It’s true that many of them don’t follow the rules and don’t even try to have a decent attitude towards you. However, it’s not really that hard for you to be the better person. Just step over your pride and you’ll see how much better you’ll feel. My experience tells me that in most cases, your atempts will be rewarded. They’ll put aside their attitude and realize they’ve been wrong. That you’re not their enemy. That you do deserve their respect and a good treatment.

The better I get at this, the happier I am I worked so hard to make it something natural (which I now do kind of like out of instinct). It makes me feel better; it improves my bad days (simply by making me forget about the problems I’ve been through); it makes me happy that I made someone else’s day a little better (which happens in 90% of the cases).

That’s why my friends I’m always as nice as possible. Give it a try, and I’m positive you won’t regret it.

It’s kind of funny all the things we have to go through to “stay safe” when in reality there’s a backdoor that any criminal can easily take.

He then goes on to mention that the particular situation I talked about is similar to gun control:

[...] gun control laws don’t stop the criminals from getting guns – the criminals don’t go through legal channels. So the laws only make it harder for the law-abiding citizens to get guns.

I agree with it.

However, you knew that was coming , it reminded of a couple of times I thought of the issue. The problem is that I can’t really come up with the right solution (don’t we all just love to give the perfect solution to all problems?) And it’s not that different than what I had written.

Have you ever smoked? Or do you know someone that is smoking and has tried to quit a few times? Any smoker who tried to quit (succesfully or not) will tell you that, there’s still a chance of succeeding even if you have one once in a while at a party, bar etc. However, once you have bought one single pack you’re back at it.

What does this have to do with gun control?

Here’s the deal. I know and understand there’s many legitimate situations when people really need to protect themselves and that many times their only solution is to own a gun (read Jose’s post). For some reason, though, the following question keeps coming back to my mind: what if someone who has a gun because of relaxed laws (probably a not so mentally stable person) decides to use it not necessarilly for personal protection? There’s plenty of scenarios. Let’s say that person gets pissed off at his/her neighbour for whatever stupid reason, can’t control himself/herself and decides to use it. It was there. Just like the pack of cigarettes. You have it, you feel like using it, you use it.

I can already hear you guys. “Why should I be denied the chance to protect myself because of nut cases who can’t control themselves?” “Why did you end your previous post the way you did if you agree with strict security measures?” “Why you gotta be like that when all Daniel did was agree with you and emphasize your point?”

Now that I’m thinking about these possible reactions, I’m having second thoughts as to whether I should publish this post or not. (I think I will anyway.)

It’s because I’m not necessarily against tight security measures. However, what makes them seem pointless (and makes me angry) is not putting them in practice equally for everyone or not at all for some.

The answer to my problem lays in two words: stupidity and ignorance. The answer to Daniel’s problem lays in one word: corruption.

I’m quite positive there’s rules about securing the back doors to everything. For one reason or another, though, (see above paragraph) they are not put in practice.

Besides all these, there’s another issue that comes to mind. It seems to me that many times the Government (of any country) issues such tough security measures to gain public approval. Unfortunately there’s many people (ignorant, misinformed or completely uninformed) who buy into these kind of tactics. As a result, they might go on for quite a while.

I really don’t want to get into “the Government is to blame for everything that goes wrong” theory (I don’t agree with it). However, every now and then, it does feel like it. I’ll leave it to that.

Please leave your thoughts and please be kind .

Daniel, I really hope you got my point.

It’s been quite cold over here the past week. It made me crave for summer. I never told anyone though. Why? Well, let’s see…

I was born and raised in a 4 seasons climate (spring, summer, fall and winter). I love all seasons. As far as I’m concerned they all have their beauties.

However, until mid last year, I had lived in Florida for 4 years. For those who don’t know, it’s summer all year long down there. It’s true that in the winter there’s a chance of some colder weather, but nothing exceptional. And it’s just for a couple of weeks to a month the most.

I hated it! I’m not fond of Florida for various reasons, but for the purpose of this post I’ll limit myself to the weather.

The weird thing is that while, as I said I love all seasons, my favorite one is the summer. However, having summer all year long, just took the fun out of it. I got to the point where I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I was craving cold weather and snow (winter). All of my friends know about my position. That’s why I haven’t told anyone that for the past couple of days I wished it were summer. What? Give them a reason to make fun of me? Get real!

I couldn’t help myself not think about what made me hate my favorite season (summer), crave for winter and now wish it were summer again.

It really bugged me. The first and simplest explanation I thought of was that “it’s human nature; we’re never happy with what we have.” I haven’t ruled that out completely yet and I think I never will. (But about that some other time.)

A couple of days back I was visiting a friend of mine and saw a couple of bananas on his kitchen table. I normally grab one; but this time I didn’t want any. It’s not the first time (it actually happened quite a lot lately), however, for some reason, I made a quick connection between me not wanting any bananas and hating summer for the past few years. I must say there’s a similiraity between the two of them in that bananas are my favorite fruits and normally I never miss a chance to have one.

Why is it that, over time, I’ve lost interest in these two things (which are my favorites in their categories)?

And I kept thinking about it. The more I thought about it, the more examples came to mind.

I soon realized there was a pattern to all of this: whenever I have something I really like in excess, sooner or later I lose interest in it. I realized that the things I enjoy the most in my life I enjoy because I don’t have access to them all the time.

I used to be a TV junkie. The only reason I started hating it was because I was wasting a lot of time. However, there was another thing going on: it seemed as if I wasn’t enjoying a movie or show as many others did, no matter how good they were. Since I managed to unhook myself, I realized that when I do watch a show (which is probably once a week) I really love the heck out of the experience.

When I was in college I used to go out (clubs, parties etc.) at least every other night. I knew all the clubs, bars and pubs in town. I got to the point where when someone would come with the idea of going out I would be like: “Yeah, whatever. Just let me know where you wanna go and I’ll meet you there” without the slightest trail of excitement. These days, when I go out (which is porbably once every two or three months), I feel like the world is mine. I’m worse than a kid going to DisneyLand.

And I could go on forever.

I don’t know about you, but, as I said – for me – when I end up doing, eating etc. something I really love on a constant basis, I loose interest in that thing. I need to hold myself back in order to keep on enjoying them to their greatest extent.

In other words: MODERATION, MODERATION AND SOME MORE MODERATION.

He replied to my comment asking me

What happened with your friends that made you so against babysitting?

Instead of posting another comment, I decided to use such an opportunity to write a post about it.

Where do I start?

First I want to make it clear from the very beginning that I have never had the chance to babysit myself. So, the truth of the matter is that I can only speak from other people’s experiences. Second of all it’s not really that bad. And it’s not necessarilly that I am against babysitting as a professional job. I’m not even against it as a part time job for students who can very well use a bit of extra cash in their pockets.

What actually bugs me is the attitude from the parents many babysitters must put up with.

As far as I understand the situation, we’re dealing with two large categories here.

The first one includes those parents who need someone to babysit only on certain occasions (they’re going to a concert, they have a date, they have a late business meeting etc.). These folks and their kids are easy to deal with. Mainly because they are part of their children’s lives (they know what it means to deal with a brat who just won’t go to sleep when told to). As a result they understand that, in many occasions, when the child complains about a babysitter is because they’re trying to get even with her (or him) as they could not get away with having and doing things their way.

The second category is represented by those folks who rely on a (professional) babysitter to raise their children. They don’t have the time to do it themselves. This category can be divided further on into two subcategories:
- busy professionals who lack time due to their jobs which require most of their time (they’re not really that bad either);
- “stay-at-home-anything-but-moms” (a.k.a. “Desperate Housewives“) Now the fun begins!

This last subcategory is the one that really got me to make the comment I made on Adnan’s post. It might be hard for you to believe, but you have no idea how many of them there are. All my firiends who used to work as babysitters had to deal with such type of “parents”.

But let’s start with the beginning. These ladies have nothing to do all day long, yet, for some reason, they need a baby sitter. Gimme a break!

Getting back to the actual baby sitter and what she or he has to deal with, probably the best way to start would be by saying that these women have no idea what the heck is going on in their children’s lives. They don’t know their children. They imagine they’re angels. They believe all the lies those kids tell them. And, not that I don’t like kids, but let’s face it: many times children are worse than grown ups when it comes to screwing you over. When you bring into the equation the feeling that they’re ignored by their parents you got yourself a mess. These kids, consciously or not, think that every babysitter is trying to replace the parents. In the same time they want their parents’ attention and time so badly that they do everything they can to get rid of everyone, hoping that will bring the parents back into their lives.

On the other hand, many of these moms feel so guilty about not spending time with the children that they put up with everything and expect the babysitters to do the same thing. This only encourages the child to become a brat, knowing he or she will get away with eveything. I know of multiple situations when the child will refuse to do something because “mommy doesn’t make me do that, so why should I listen to you?”

Another reason many parents let their kids do whatever they want is because they’ve got no idea what raising a child is all about. They don’t realize that many times it’s about saying no for the sake of the child. I know many cases of parents who gave the babysitter specific instructions as to let the children do whatever they want, whenever they want, to let them dress however they want, to let them eat whatever they want whenever they want. “We want to encourage them to have their own personality!” A two-year old? Are ya freakin’ kidding me?!?!?!?!

It’s even worse when such attitudes come from a mom who really stays at home to take care of the kids. Everything gets out of control and, before you know it, guess “Who’s The Boss?” You got it!

So there you have it Adnan. That’s why I am so against babysitting. My response was trigerred by all these facts and when I decided to comment I haven’t really thought of the fact that the question in your title was more for the heck of it rather than a serious matter.

As I said in my comment, it’s the parents that, through their influences over the children, sometimes make me go crazy only when I hear about babysitting.

It’s true that we also have the other face of the coin: babysitters who don’t know what the heck they’re doing. About that some other time. Maybe!

Other than that I strongly believe it’s better to tell the truth, even if it might hurt someone’s feelings.

Let’s take it step by step.

If you watch the video I suggested, you will very easily understand that the girl (Mary Roach) emphisez a couple of times that one of the reasons she decided to participate was friends and family who convinced her she has a great voice and she would make a great singer. I’m ready to bet anyone that at least 80% of all the guys and girls who try their luck with American Idol are in the same position.

I doubt anyone would try and convince their friends they are good singers just to see them embarras themselves. Also don’t even try and tell me anyone can receive a alot of real positive feedback when that person is a really bad singer. That’s why my conclusion is that what we’re dealing with here is a large number of people who are being lied for the sake of not hurting their feelings.

As a matter of fact I have my own experiences with this. When I hear a song I like, I usually sing along with it. When I was a child my dad really thought I had a pretty good voice. My mother, on the other hand, would always tell me that I suck at it. Did it hurt the first time? You bet. However, I got used to it and I realized she was right when more and more people told me the same thing. Now you might judge them as just being jealous and not wanting to see me become a huge success. I did so at first. When I trully heard myself singing… Well, lets just say I was thankful to all of those who didn’t lie to me for the sake of my feelings.

But don’t you always hear yourself sing? You do. The problem is that the sound of your voice is not really the one you hear. To get a closer version of the real sound of your voice record yourself. Nowadays almost anyone has a digital camera. Most of them will allow you to record movies. Do that. Preferably record a short video of you singing and then listen to it. Ouch! What did I tell you? I suggest you slap the next person who tells you what a great voice you have and what a great singer you could be.

Those of you who do indeed have a good voice you go ahead and take the necessary steps to become the next American idol. The other ones, just stop chasing windmills. If it’s not meant to be (because you don’t have what it takes) you’ll just waste your time.

However, this is not the topic we’re talking about here.

Getting back to it, ever since I realized what it means to not lie to people when you shouldn’t, I stopped doing it. My friends hate me for that sometimes, but every time they’re looking for an honest opinion, they come to me because they know they’ll get one (favorable or not). They know I’ll say it as it is, whether it hurts them or not. I’m not saying I don’t ever lie. If you read my other post you probably understood I do. I just weigh the seriousness of the situation and the effects it will have on the other person. And you can bet your life I won’t lie when I’m specifically asked for an honest opinion (which I can’t tell about other people I personally know).

I lack the capability of seeing things any other way. If you think you can change my mind, go ahead leave a comment. I doubt you’ll get any results though.

What do you do with them?

The holidays have passed a little while ago. I’m quite positive everyone has received some gifts they’re not really happy about. I know I have.

Now, in the case of gifts you got from people you don’t really give a damn about it’s very easy to get rid of them. There’s no guilt. You don’t really care if they come to you and ask what you’ve done with them. It’s quite easy to come up with a stupid excuse (even something like “the dog ate it”). You couldn’t care less whether they believe you or not or whether they’re hurt or not. It’s not very nice, but we all have “friends” we’re not really fond of.

What happens though in the case of family, friends who are really dear to you. They maybe couldn’t afford anything better or just had a bad day when they picked up your gift.

Before we go any further here’s what you should absolutely not do. Or at least put up in place a system that will keep you from embarassing yourseld. I have a friend of mine who had the bad habbit of passing to others gifts he didn’t want. It all went just fine until one day when he gave a gift to the person he got it from. I can’t even tell you the embarassement he went through. The guy didn’t talk to him for about a month.

What I like to do is use the gift (whatever that involves) for a while so that the person I got it from is happy. Then, after a while I phase it out, until I stop using it completely.

I know some of you might think that it’s always better to tell the truth. I am of the same opinion. However, there’s plenty of situations when telling a small lie really doesn’t hurt anybody. And I believe this is one of those situations.

I learned this on my own when I was about 10-11 years old. My parents and I were visiting my aunt. She had just been on a vacation out of the country visiting some friends. It had been quite a huge financial effort for her. However, she brought everybody little gifts. Mine was a clipboard. On previous occasions when we were there, she saw that I like to organize things. So, she thought I might really like a clipboard. And I did. I wanted to have a clipboard so badly, that I had my parents buy me one. The problem was that the one I had was more than a clipboard. It was more like a folder-clipboard. So when my aunt gave me the one she had bought, instead of appreciating her good will, I started bragging about mine and how it was much better than hers. To this day I can’t forget her face.

Of course I was just a kid and I didn’t know any better. Unfortunately though, I’ve seen grown ups do the same thing. This kind of honesty it’s not worth it. It only hurts our loved ones for no good reason.

The other day I heard about this guy who has worked for the past couple of years with one goal in mind and one goal only: to buy a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution. He made a $10,000 down payment and is going to pay about $600 a month for the next 5 or 6 years.

He’s in his late twenties (just like myself). I’m struggling to get out of debt (that I got in when I was young and stupid – and not because this kind of extravaganzas) and come up with some sort of a plan for the future that would, at least, insure my children have a comfortable future. And here’s this guy, who, I strongly believe, should think about the same way, indulging himself in buying a brand new forty-something thousand dollars car on which he lost at least five grands once he drove it out of the dealership.

I wish him all the luck. And it seems he’s going to need a lot of it, as he’s quite upside down in this matter. He just bought the car and got himself in trouble.

Here’s the story. It seems as if these models are hot cakes for car thieves. The first night he bought it he went to a club, ironically, attended by some of those thieves. In the neighborhood was a police patrol. The cops were aware of the type of people who go to that club, and even more ironically, they were actually looking for a stolen Lancer just like my guy’s. When they saw “my friend” arriving, they did their job and gave him a hard time suspecting that was the Lancer they were looking for and him to be involved. Eventually they let him go.

Even though this story has nothing to do with what I’m trying to point out here I decided it was worth telling it.

So what am I trying to say?

I know it’s popular to “live your life” and stuff. I do it too. But within certain limits. Is it worth doing it at such a huge expense? At the expense of your financial future? At the expense of your children’s well being? I strongly believe the answer is no.

I know I may sound old fashioned, boring, that I don’t know how to live my life etc. I’m not really like that. But I believe in setting limits and understanding when something is off those limits and accept the situation. Believe me, I would love to drive a hundred-something thousand dollars car (there’s plenty of them out there I would love). And if I would stretch my finances really good, I probably could afford one. But at what expense? At the expense of endangering my financial future? Because, unless we’re millionaires, that’s the result.

Just think about it: In a couple of years, that car will most likely be worth about half its value. Nicer and more sophisticated ones will get on the market. For a middle class guy, it will be impossible to keep up the pace. And by the time you’re done paying it, it’ll probably be worth a few thousand bucks. It’ll be just a regular car. For the period of your installment, considering the payments, insurance and maintenance for such a car, you won’t be able to save much (if anything). You’ll wake up in your early thirties with no savings and (by now) an average 5-6 years old car.

But hey, you lived your life. I ask again: at what expense?

Am I jealous? Trust me I’m not. Not when I think of the price he’s going to pay. My 2004 Chevy Cavalier runs just fine. Takes me where I want to go. But I know I’ll be somwhere when this guy will probably just start realizing the situation he’s in.

Am I judgemental? Maybe. But how can I not be when I saw so many others do the same thing and afterwrds banged their heads against the wall for being stupid about it.

Is it none of my business? Most likely. But then again, I was actually just wondering if I’m out dated, old fashioned, boring, plain crazy or not, and if others see such issues the same way I do.

Honestly, I wish him good luck and I trully hope he’ll find some way of getting himself out of this. I know the guy. And believe me when I tell you the income he has right now won’t allow him to accomplish much as long as he’s paying for that car.