You know, it’s hard for me to take an official position on the issue. I personally believe it is morally wrong for a woman to have an abortion. But, the truth of the matter is that I’ve never been in the position of a 16-17 years old girl who is pregnant, the father of the child is nowhere to be found and she is incapable of financially taking care of herself, not to mention a child. Or in the position of a woman who already has a child or two (or even more) and who is already having difficulties providing for them. Honestly, it would be outright wrong for me to tell that girl/woman, because I personally believe abortion is morally wrong, you have to have that child and deal with him/her. And that is why I believe the women should be given the freedom to choose.
Bottom line is that, as I said, I personally find abortion a morally wrong thing, however, I don’t believe the Government has any right to tell a woman what she may or may not do in this matter.
To draw a parallel, capital punishment is another thing I can’t really have an official position on. I don’t think any man has the right to take the life of another human being. But then, again, I have never been in the situation of having my mother or sister raped or any member of my family killed by someone. I don’t know exactly what my position would be in that case, but chances are it would be the opposite.

There you have it folks. I feel like this guy read my mind and spoke the words for me. I feel the exact same way. My own opinion is that abortion and capital punishment are morally wrong. However, I can’t really get involved into any kind of debate on those two topics before I have some direct personal experience with any of them. Abortion is out of question (I’m a guy) and I certainly hope and pray to God that the other will never happen.

I was born and raised in an area where I was able to enjoy all of the four seasons. Then I lived in Florida for 4 years. One of the reasons I personally didn’t like it was the fact that there’s one season and one season only: summer. I normally love summer. However, for those entire four years I hated it. I was craving winter. And craving it badly.

Eventually, last year I moved to Chicago. Needless to say, I was quite excited about the upcoming winter. And what a winter we had! I just loved it. To the point where all my friends started making jokes that everyone hates winter around here, except for me. Little do they know that after the first month or so, it started bugging me. I was talking on the phone with friends from Florida, they were telling me how nice and warm it was there and I started wanting summer again. (But just so you know, I didn’t tell anyone.)

Then, all of sudden, one day I started thinking about my situation: I craved winter so badly, and now that I have it, I don’t want it anymore.

Whacked out as I am, I began making all kind of associations.

For example, how many kids do you know that drive their parents nuts about a toy they want, but once they have it they play with it for a few days and then off to bugging the parents for another one.

Has it ever happened to you to want to quit a job really badly, only to want to go back once you’re out of it?

Is the grass really greener on the other side?

While sometimes it is, most of the times is just an illusion.

I decided to fight it. And I started by trying to figure out when I’m dealing with just pure saturation, when it’s human nature and when it’s just my awfully unstable personality (to the point where I think I have ADD).

I can’t tell you how to do that. Each of us has to figure it out on their own.

What I can tell you is the approach for those situations when it’s human nature that keeps me from being happy: be happy with what I have.

Before you yell at me that this is how the rich people want us to think to keep us poor so they can stay rich, let me explain.

First of all, I am trying to make a better financial life for myself. So far I got myself out of debt. From now on comes investment for the future.

Then I’m going to say something probably even more awkward: learning to be happy with what you have, might actually help you in the battle for a better life. It calms you down and it gives you the clarity to see things from an objective point of view. To realize what dreams have a chance to become reality and to make a plan and which ones are just out of the question (for example, no matter how badly I would like to, I could never ever become a singer - I just don’t have the voice for it).

And once you have used the peace given to you by your ability to be happy with what you have to plan for your big break, until that happens, you can actually enjoy life. None of my personal achievements which put me through hell brought me any happiness. They became rather something I was glad I was done with. On the other, once I learned my lesson, I was able to take the necessary steps for accomplishing my goals and, at the same time, free myself of all the worries and the stress, and enjoy my life while waiting for the results.

Learning to be happy with what you have also gives you better tools to decide whether you really want the greener grass from the other side or not. Do you? If you do, we go back to being able to build and put into action a plan to get it.

But how can I learn to be happy with what I have?

Again, I can only tell you how I do it.

For that, let me ask you this: do you find yourself many times wanting to have what your friends have? Even if it’s not many times, it’s the place to start. To make my advice easier to understand I’m going to use examples.

When I moved to Chicago, a friend of mine and his girlfriend had just bought their own place. I was all excited for them and all I could think about was how badly I wished I had a place of my own. Because at the time I was deep in debt, it was just out of the question. In the mean time, I got to spend a lot of time at their place and realized it’s just another house. And that it’s what you make out of it that makes it home. Don’t get me wrong. It’s an awesome place and I love it. But since they became my best friends here in Chicago, I get to spend a lot of time over there. And they are the first ones who gave me the chance to see exactly what it means to own a house. I saw their own excitement go down a little bit. It’s not such a big deal for them anymore either. In the mean time I tried to get my own place, but for various reasons it didn’t work out. And to be honest with you, I’m happy. Why? The frenzy went away. Owning a house doesn’t impress me anymore. I’m happy with the apartment I share with my roommate for $300 a month (my share). I know what many think: why pay that rent to someone else and not yourself? Because if you add the taxes, maintenance (assessment) and interest paid to the bank, it’s over $300 which, as far as I’m concerned is wasted money. Add to that the monthly payment for the principal and I just don’t have the money for that. (Actually I do have it, but I would rather use it to plant the seeds for some other type of investments.) Again, the $300 is wasted money anyway. Put that together with the real estate market we’re having here in Chicago right now and it’s just not the time. This is one example of how I learned to be happy with what I have and how that, further on, cooled me down and helped me realize buying my own place is not what I really want YET. Yet, I repeat. I am a believer of “own your own house” current. I just realized it’s not for me yet. I don’t even want to think about the trouble I would have been through if I would have gotten my hands on the greener grass.

Here’s another example. I just love BMW cars. It’s the one kind of car I truly hope to own one day. I could probably buy one today. But I’m not willing to. Financial reasons again. However, that’s not the whole story. I am quite happy with my 2004 Chevy Cavalier. You want to know why? Because I had the chance to ride in a BMW. Even drive one. After all, IT’S JUST A CAR. What drive their prices up a lot and make them luxury are features I don’t necessarily need and the name. What I need right now is an affordable car. I don’t need a luxury. I’m not in that place (hopefully, YET). I cooled off after I drove it and I learned to be happy with my car. Learning this taught me that, while I will one day own a BMW, it’s just not the time yet.

As you can see, in both cases, having the chance to experience (even if only to some degree) the greener grass on the other side, helped me learn to be happy with the one that I have on my side. It helped me think straight, figure out what exactly I want and make plans for getting there while being happy on the way. It also helped as an exercise to learn that just because someone has something that seems nice and interesting, it doesn’t necessarily mean that having the same thing will make me happy.

I suggest you start in the same place. Look at little things some of your friends have which you would like to have. Ask them to let you “play” with them and get that virus out of you. After a while you’ll learn to do it on your own. And you’ll see that you’ll enjoy life much more.

Since at the end of the post we are encouraged to bring our own contribution to the topic and since there are a couple of things I see around me every day that just drive me nuts (which I was going to write about anyway) I decided to use the opportunity and do it today.

Reduce Your Own Waste.

In any possible way and whenever you get the chance. I’m going to come with a couple of examples that might sound pure awkward and out of line. But before you decide to leave this page, I want to ask you to do me one huge favor: just imagine what would happen if everyone would follow my advice. As a matter of fact it’s not even necessary to have everyone do it. Even a mere few million people would make a difference.

So here we go…

Before you decide to throw away that sheet of paper on which you printed something two weeks ago and which you don’t need anymore, stop for a second and think if you could use it for anything else. For example: have you used both sides or just one? Since you don’t need the information printed on it anymore, don’t you think you could just cross it out and use the other side on another occasion when you only need something for a limited period of time (until you gather all the information you need and your report is ready to be handed to your boss, just to give a simple example). Or lets say you printed out a map to help you get somewhere. Once you’re done with it I’m quite positive you’ll throw the paper away. Don’t you think you could use the other side to print out another map some other time? Not only will you help the environment, but you will reduce your expenses. Your paper for your printer will run out a lot later. I can already hear you: “Who cares about a few extra bucks?” Why not use those extra couple of dollars to buy your kid a chocolate or yourself an extra cappuccino? And, depending on how much paper you use (for personal or business related reasons) these dollars can really add up.

I want to make something clear. I don’t expect you to use such “recycled” paper for a contract or for the report you have to give to your boss. I do understand there are situations which require nice clean paper. I’m suggesting you follow my advice for personal reasons or sketches which do not necessitate a certain “formal” look.

And again I ask you to not look at the effects of just you doing so, but try to imagine how things would be if millions and millions of people would do so. Look into my eyes and tell me you don’t believe it could make a difference for the future of our planet.

Another thing I would like to suggest is stop throwing away your clothes. Unless you have some real skin diseases which can’t be killed by boiling your clothes (and as far as I’m concerned, there’s not really that many folks with such problems), try giving them away to charities. I don’t think I need to point out that you’re not only helping the environment, but also doing a good deed. You could even deduct these. However, unless you have a bunch of growing kids for which you have to buy hundreds of dollars worth of clothes each year, the amount you could deduct it’s probably not worth the trouble of figuring out the thing. But that’s not the point. The point is that, again, if millions and millions of folks would be doing the same, it would make a huge difference in the world.

From the way I’ve seen people think about such issues, I admit one more time that I may have sounded out of line. You might think I have serious issues and that you should stop wasting your time here.

And I say that I am just a guy who believes in the idea that every single little thing each of us does for the environment counts as it adds up and on the whole makes a difference.

If you just get a little more open minded you will see that there’s so many things around you that you could do to join those of us who really care about the environment. And given my personal experience, once you start doing so, it might make you feel better. Knowing that you’re putting away your comfort and selfishness and give a little out of you for the benefit of us all and of our planet, should give you a sense of usefulness and content.

If you wonder what you could do, I want to point you back to my words from above: Reduce Your Own Waste. Keep that in mind and get yourself to the point where thinking about ways to do so becomes a habit (pretty much like going to bed) and you’ll see how many things you’ll find around you that you could do to bring your own little contribution to the preservation of our environment. It won’t happen at once, but if you really want to, it will happen.

Lets all of us be a little less ignorant and we can change the future of our planet.

P.S. Anne, I love your 2nd point: turn off everything you can.

P.P.S. This post is not encouraging clutter. Things that need to be disposed of need to be disposed of. Period. How you do that, it’s a different story. I’m just encouraging a recycling system on a personal level.

Just think about it.

What’s my problem, than? I’ll tell you what my problem is. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but another thing that’s becoming trendy (or so I think since I’ve only seen it happening in the past year) is for your credit card companies to send you checks to use for whatever reason you wish (to pay other cards, to pay bills, to transfer some money into your bank account etc.). Overall quite a good idea. I don’t know if you’ve gotten any of them (I believe you would need to have a balance lower than 50% of your credit limit to get them). These checks usually have an expiration date, meaning you can only use them by a certain date, which in my case, on most batches I received, was about three months from the date I got them.

And now we’re getting to the problem (finally); two weeks later I’ll receive another batch. And two weeks after that, another one. And so on and so forth. I mean here you are encouraging me to go paperless to save the trees, yet you don’t even wait for the expiration date on the checks you sent me just two weeks ago to come and you send me another batch. Absolutely wasted paper. And needless to say they don’t send only the checks. A bunch of other junk advertising comes along with them (don’t even get me started on that one).

As I said, I do believe the whole idea with the checks is a good one - you never know when you need them. But there’s two things these banks could do (either one of them or both of them in the same time). Either keep your mouth shut (so to speak) and don’t try to make me feel guilty about ruining the environment with my paper bills, when you yourself couldn’t care less about it and when the actual reason for which you prefer your customers to go paperless is because it cuts down on your costs, thus increasing your profits. Or/And have a software that tells you the expiration date of the last checks you sent me and, in the same time, whether I have used any of them so far or not. And have that software tell you when to send me the new checks: when I have only a couple of the previous ones left or when there’s about a week or so left before they expire (whichever comes first). Don’t even tell me you can’t have something like that (’cause I’ll take it as if you think I’m stupid). As for whether this would be cost effective or not, well… I guess it’s less expensive for you to waste the trees. But then I go back to my problem: stop trying to sell me paperless on environmental reasons.

In the same area of wasted paper, here’s another thing that bugs me. I have a checking account. Attached to that account is my debit card. When I opened the account, the bank representative offered me to have that card work like a rewards credit card (you know the deal: you buy on credit you get something in return). In my case we’re talking about United Airlines miles. Considering I’ve never had a rewards card of any kind so far, I accepted the deal (which costs me about $25/year without me ever being able to use those miles - they’ll expire before I have enough of them) just for the heck of it.

Ever since then, I receive, from the guys at United, credit card offers. And they’re linked with that debit card I mentioned. Each and every one of the offers comes with an updated balance of my miles together with a big fat number of free ones I could get if I apply for this credit card. Of course these offers have expiration dates as well. But do you think they wait for those offers to expire before sending me new ones? You got it: NO. And just like the case with the checks, new ones come in, literally, every other week. Sometimes the envelopes just sit there on my desk for weeks and weeks just pilling up. I don’t even open them anymore.

And you’re telling me you care about the environment? And you’re trying to sell me paperless to save the trees? Are you freaking kidding me?

I know what many of you are going to say: Dude, it’s just marketing. Everyone knows these things are going on and you just have to live with them. Just let it go.

And I ask you: Why? Why should I let it go?

You can rest assured I’m not as naive as to even imagine I could have anything changed about it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to take a few minutes of my time to express my disgust with these companies and folks who would do anything in the name of the good ol’ buck.

As for the fact that is nothing but plain marketing, I don’t know about you, but I’m the kind of person who believes that there’s a limit to everything. And if you see that your prospective customer is just not interested, it’s time to give up. Or if you just have to keep on trying, at least stop the harassment. As far as I’m concerned, that’s what it is: harassment. Don’t do it so often anymore. Give the guy (or girl) a break before you come knocking on the door again. It’s true they might have changed their mind in the mean time, but stop expecting this to happen within a few days. It won’t.

“Are you crazy?” he asked. “What do you mean you’re closed on Sunday? Isn’t that the day most people can come look for a car?”

“Yes it is. More than that, it’s the one day when most people have the time to look for a car. They come in and they take their time looking around and wasting our time ’cause they’ve got all day. While on most of the other days, they either come in after work or they have other plans they have to take care of. In either case they don’t have much time to their disposal and have to make a quick decision. They need a car and who knows when they have the chance to come again. This way they can’t afford to look at too many models, compare prices or visit other dealers. They don’t have too much time to spend. They’re in and out, most of the times buying a car.”

Are you kidding me?

I don’t want to say that all dealers all over the country are doing the same thing (by the way, are they doing it in your area?) and if that guy lied to my friend, I’m lying to you. Out of curiosity I did a search for Illinois car dealers closed on Sunday and 6 out of the first 10 results were dealers that were closed on Sunday.

If you think about it, it makes sense. It’s all about basic economics. It’s nothing but a marketing strategy. You might feel offended by the fact that someone is trying to twist your hand into buying a car without giving you the option of shopping around. If that’s the way you see things, think a little about all the sales going on in your area and all the commercial announcing them: “Hurry in. Sale ends tomorrow” (for example). I don’t know about you, but to me it’s quite about the same thing. Oh, and if you really think you’re getting a huge deal at all sales events, think again (but about this some other time).

I’ve just heard it the other day in a show. It got me thinking about a very good friend of mine who told me before (and still does whenever the issue comes up) that he’s never been good at Math. “I never planned on being an engineer or accountant or financial adviser or any of those things that require you to know more than adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing some simple numbers. I can do that and that’s all I need to know. When it comes to Math all I ever did in school was to get some passing grades and that was just fine with me.”

Before I go any further I must confess that I am a bit subjective about the whole topic as I’ve always liked Math. I never really took it to the extreme (as to make a hobby out of it or to become a Math teacher or anything like that) but it has always been my favorite subject in school. It was the one subject I was never afraid of when it came to tests, exams, papers and stuff. (And I was always helping others, thank you very much.)

Now that I think back at all the time I “wasted” on Math without having any direct results, I realize that it is probably the one subject in school that prepared me for life. That’s right my friends. Math prepares you for life. By learning math you learn to see patterns in everything around you (and in 90% of the situations life is all about patterns); it teaches you to make connections between pieces of information; it teaches you to solve puzzles (puzzles of the life); it teaches you that in order to get any type of results in life you have to follow certain steps and formulas (how many times have you wished you knew the formula to success - no matter what type of success we’re talking about); it teaches you that everything in life has a cause and an effect, that everything happens for a reason and that there’s a result of everything that happens in life; it teaches you how to look for solutions to certain situations and how to find the first steps you need to take in anything you have to do. If you believe I don’t know what I’m talking about you might want to check this web site.

“Well, of course you Math people are going to say only good things about it. You like it, love it maybe, and understand it. It’s easy for you to talk.” No, my friend. Understanding Math has nothing to do with what I’ve just said. Besides that, I have no interest to talk nice about Math. I’m not a teacher and my job doesn’t even involve any complicated Math (just simple Arithmetics). What I’ve just said about it comes out of pure belief and practical observations around me.

“Whatever you say. The problem is that I just don’t get it!”. I’m really sorry if I sound harsh, but you don’t get it because you don’t try hard enough. I am a strong believer that each and everyone of us is born with equal basic intellectual capacities. However, at some point in time, for one reason or another we decide to cultivate just a few. The reasons vary. From this moment on we’re working on what we think we’re good at and ignore the other stuff, thus becoming good at what we think we’re good at and getting sloppy at the other ones. Because it’s all about practice. You’re good at what you practice the most.

I’ll give you three examples in support of my theory.

As you probably realized (by my writing style, my English and if you read my About page) English is my second language. I was born and raised in Romania. I learned part of my English in school. I had no real problems with it as I liked it from the very beginning. I had, however, classmates who were on the verge of failing their year just because they could not get passing grades at English. When they realized the gravity of the situation they decided it was time to unfold the mysteries of the language. And guess what? They got it. It wasn’t easy. But they worked hard and realized it’s not really that difficult. They just had to want to do it, sit down and concentrate at what they had to do and, eventually, it all came naturally. A couple of them (who kept on going with their efforts) got quite good at it. I used this example to emphasize that this is the way things are with everything, not just Math. You have to want to do it, sit down and concentrate at what you’re about to study.

I’m going to use another example that goes the other way. As I mentioned before, Math has always been my favorite subject. Naturally, other type of subjects (and I’m especially talking about Literature) were anything but something I enjoyed. Until a couple of years ago, when I had to take on Composition 1 & 2. I was terrified. I was never good at writing stuff (Composition 1) or literature analysis (Composition 2). But I decided I was going to give it a try. I just took on the challenge one step at a time. And guess what? Before I knew it, people in my class were asking me to read my essays each and every single class. Even the professors loved them. It certainly sounds like bragging. And of course my writing skills could use a good deal of improvement. But that’s not the point. The point is that I am the living proof that if you put your mind to it you can get good at anything.

The only exception I can personally think of is physical disability. For example, one of the many jobs I took on was construction. Actually I tried doing construction twice (altogether about a year). I have finally gave up on it because my back was killing me. No matter how many types of supporting belts I tries, I just couldn’t make it work.

I started with Math and look what I ended up talking about. That was my intention from the very beginning. The bottom line, as I have mentioned it a couple of times throughout the post, is that anyone can get a grip of anything on this planet. Our brain is such an amazing thing. You can understand and get good at anything. You just have to want to (and for that you need to understand what’s going to do for you - see Math above) and really concentrate on what you will have to do and learn.

I wish you lots of good luck and don’t hesitate to let me know how things are working between you and Math (or anything else for that matter).

Then, before I go on with what I have to say about this topic - which might get some of you to strongly disagree with me - I need to let everyone know that I am both a very pragmatic, practical person (1+1=2 in any given situation, no matter how you twist it) as well as a bit of a dreamer who believes that no government on this planet will ever completely solve any problems, and that the only way we can get at least close to having a better world is by each and every one of us being at least a little bit of a better person.

These being said, I will start by saying that every time I hear of anything even remotely similar to the VT tragedy, I can’t help it but ask myself: why the innocent people?

Here’s the deal: in any such situations when someone with huge personal problems decides to do something like that, as far as I am concerned, a certain person (or maybe several) triggered the “short circuit” that determines the killer to do such horrible things. Why not go only after those folks? Why not go only after those against whom they seek revenge? Am I saying that it’s O.K. to kill someone as an act of revenge? My God, NO!!! However, (and remember 1+1=2 no matter what) folks like this student, once they made up their mind to kill a certain person as an act of revenge are going to do it no matter what, whether I like it or not, whether you like it or not, whether anyone else likes it or not. Unfortunately, that’s the cruel truth. The ecuation being given, I go back to my question: why the innocent? Whether we’re talking about this case, the Columbine Highschool, the Washington sniper or the just a few months old Chicago case of the truck driver who convinced that one patent lawyer scamed him, decided to make his own law and went out to kill him, taking the lives of 3 or 4 other innocent people. (I’ll come back to why I believe that Cho’s killings started as a matter of some sort of revenge.)

The answer might come when we think that such folks are mentally deranged. What else can you expect from such a person? They’re crazy, right? I agree with you. However, another theory of mine comes to mind. Who is normal in the first place and what does normal mean? I have yet to see one single person whom I haven’t considered (at certain points in time) to be trully and honestly crazy. Whether I think of rage bursts or financial decisions (yes my friend) or complete personality changes of a person together with the change of the environment. And if you’re telling me you have never, yourself, been in a situation after which you asked yourself: “What was up with that? What was I thinking? What is the matter with me?” I will tell it to your face: I don’t believe you! These being said I repeat my question: who is normal and what does normal actually mean?

Am I trying to defend those who commit such atrocities? No. However, I like to find explanations for anything that intrigues me. Since this is one issue that does intrigue me, I have thought of it and came to the conclusion that we’re all mentally deranged. What keeps most us from commiting such horrible acts are the strength of our personalities and the environment in which we go about our daily lives.

As one phsichologist interviewed on one of the news channels put it: we tend to blame others for everything that goes wrong in our lives. How many times has it happened to you? I’ve certainly done it a few times and I’m sure I’ll do it again. If we don’t find the strength within ourselves or within our circle of friends and family to realize both that many bad things are the result of our own wrong doings and that even when it is someone else’s fault, life is too short to let such things affect us and just get over it and move on to the next, it’s very easy to allow them to pile up and affect us in such a manner that we evntually snap.

If you take a look at Monday’s events at VT and others similar to it, you realize that it’s not the kind of snap where you just brake something or hit someone out of frustration, but the one that leads to planning the “revenge against society”. What makes them worse is that such revenge is not targeted towards a certain person or thing, but, as I said, society in general. In other cases they start with a certain person and either planned or not, go on to innocent people.

I personally believe that Virginia Tech was planned to target a certain person (the first girl he murdered) and then go after “the society”. You most likely have heard by now about Cho’s note, writings (you can find them here) and the fact that he had bought 2 guns within a month.

Needless to say, there are already voices who make a conection between the VT events and the war in Iraq. The question on many folks’ lips is “Why is it that we make such a tragic event only out of the VT case and do not treat the victims of the war in Iraq the same way?” It is a very legitimate question and there is an answer to it. We might like it or not, but the truth of the matter is that whether we’re talking about civilians or soldiers in Iraq (and in any previous, present and future war zones), these people are in a war zone. And whether we like to admit it or not, war zones come with casualties. We expect them to happen. Whilst, killings, such as those in VA, come as a shock because they happen where and when nobody expects it. They take everyone by surprise. Are these lives in any way more precious than those of the soldiers and civilians killed during wars? They’re not any more or any less precious. However, unconsciounsly, both the general public, as well as those who have dear ones in any war zone, become accustomed with the certainty that there will be deaths in those areas and the possibility that their loved ones might be among the victims. It’s the element of shock, the unexpected and more than that, the unimaginable that students might die out of the blue for no reason that make such events world wide news stories.

On the other hands, many civilians and soldiers in a war zone have a choice: civilians - to move out; soldiers - not to enroll. I know this is a very simplistic statement and that the situation is much more complicated. Many of us would rather die than flee our homes in front of a threat that can be fought against. Soldiers are driven by their love for their country and they feel it’s their duty to protect it and its values. And I agree. However, by simply saying “I would rather die than do something”, by simply saying “I have to protect my country and its values” you bring upon you the choice. You could choose not to endanger your life. Would you have been able to live with yourself? Most likely not. But you had a choice. You knew the danger was there, yet you chose to fight it hoping you will survive. As for victims of events such as Monday’s, they do not have a choice. Nobody is expecting something like that to happen. Nobody is even dreaming of it. Nobody gives them any choice. They are at the absolute discretion of a lunatic.

A friend of mine told me that, while checking the international coverage of the events, saw a title in a newspaper that said somehing like “The killings in Virginia are as American as the apple pie.” At first I found it a bit shocking, but after taking part in a few conversations and hearing on the news how many people believe that indeed such events are a result of the relaxed gun control policy in the U.S. I took a moment to think about it. And came to the realisation that it kind of makes sense. I just heard it on the news, that up until 1996 (or something like that) Australia used to have numerous such incidents (on average, almost every 18 months) until they tightened the gun control legislation. I realized that, indeed, I haven’t heard of any such events from any other country in the world. Needless to say this will start a whole new debate on the subject (Gun Control - How Strict Should It Be?). The truth is, as always, somewhere in the middle.

However, I strongly believe that, before the debate starts, we need to let some time go by (no good decisions ever come out of agitated spirits).

What all of us should do is take a step back and analize our own situation: how much of a disturbed person each and everyone one of us is (be true to yourself; we owe it to all the victims of such tragedies and their families and friends) and how much does each of us contribute to other people’s madness. I just saw an interview with a couple of former highschool coleagues of Cho’s. They talked about how weird of a guy he was regarded as and some of the reactions of those around him. It seems like he was so quiet, that there were students who went to him and offered him $10 just to say “Hi”. What place do you think such actions found in his personality (which already seemed to be deranged). And yes my dear friends, you need to teach your children that bullying is not O.K. That we all have to show respect to everyone just for being a human being, regardless of how strange you find that person to be. Some of these personality problems form in early childhood. And another big YES, too many adults seem to lack the maturity to treat other people with the mere respect any human being deserves.

Next time when you walk pass by someone who seems to have a problem (and in most instances you can tell), instead of throwing them a mean look, instead of treating them as you were in any way superior to them, just smile to them. Say hello. And I’m ready to bet anyone that if we all did the same thing, fewer and fewer incidents will occur and more and more people will eventually find the strength to find their way back in society.

I remember an episode of “Friends” in which Jason Alexander played an office supply manager who was getting ready to commit suicide simply because he had been working for the same company for about 10 years (or so), yet, nobody in the office seemed to notice his existence or know who he was or whether he was working there or not. And I’m quite positive you can find someone like him in any office. Someone who goes by unnoticed, someone who gets left out of any single activity, conversation etc. How about next time when you see that person, you just say hi to him/her. The following time say a bit more than just hi, maybe start a conversation. And just keep going no matter how much resistance you have to deal with and show you really and trully care about him/her just for being your colleague. And who knows, you might just save someone’s life.

The examples could go on and on. Just look around you and give a smile.

I hope I have managed to make my point clear: without wanting to find any excuses for such unfortunate events, I had to be honest to myself and you, and talk about the issue the way I see it.

God bless us all.

It all started when I was working in the restaurant business. I used to get really mad at all the people who would be nasty to me and my coleagues for no reason at all. Everyone who worked in a restaurant has at least one experience of this kind. I have so many, I can’t even remember all of them.

The restaurants I used to work in were on the beach in Florida. You would think people who are on the beach are having a good time, are relaxed and easy going. Not only not all of them are like that, but most of them are quite the opposite. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t get it.

Anyway, the result of all this is that I made a pledge to myself to be as nice as possible to all the people I will ever have contact with.

It has been a little hard at the beginning. I understand the reasons why people are nasty for no apparent reason: most of the times is because we’re unable to leave our problems behind; it’s a lot easier to take them with us everywhere we go and take it out on whoever comes in our way (especially when that person is in a position that doesn’t allow him or her to fight back, such as a server, a cashier, a customer service rep etc.)

But I kept fighting my natural tendencies when it comes to this and I’m proud to say I’ve managed to get to the point where no matter how tough of a day I had, I’ll smile and say a couple of nice words or make a joke with those who have no fault whatsoever for my bad day.

I don’t want you to think I’ll let anyone walk all over me. Whoever decides to give me an attitude, they’d better watch themselves, as I can very easily become an S.O.B.

However, as I said, if the folks I come in contact with during my day, don’t start a “fight” with me I’ll be the nicest person in the whole world.

How do I do this? It’s not really that hard, once you get used to it. I don’t find it hard at all to put up a smile when I get to the cashier to pay for my purchases. I often make jokes and many times I even make fun of myself. It’s also quite easy to start a short conversation (provided that me doing so doesn’t build a long line behind me). These are my ways. Making fun of myself I learned from a friend of mine who has quite a lot of success with it (when he’s in the mood to do so).

Since most of these people are required by their jobs to be nice with you, it’s that much easier to keep your relationship with them on the same path, by being nice to them yourself.

It’s true that many of them don’t follow the rules and don’t even try to have a decent attitude towards you. However, it’s not really that hard for you to be the better person. Just step over your pride and you’ll see how much better you’ll feel. My experience tells me that in most cases, your atempts will be rewarded. They’ll put aside their attitude and realize they’ve been wrong. That you’re not their enemy. That you do deserve their respect and a good treatment.

The better I get at this, the happier I am I worked so hard to make it something natural (which I now do kind of like out of instinct). It makes me feel better; it improves my bad days (simply by making me forget about the problems I’ve been through); it makes me happy that I made someone else’s day a little better (which happens in 90% of the cases).

That’s why my friends I’m always as nice as possible. Give it a try, and I’m positive you won’t regret it.