A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…
Broiled Missionary: $ 10.00 Fried Explorer: $ 15.00 Baked Politician: $ 100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, “Why such a price difference for the politician?”
The waiter replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one?”

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
“Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.”
“I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes,” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother!’ ? It would make me feel so much better.”
“Sure,” answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye, Mother!” As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. “How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!” “Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”

A ship was sailing the ocean long ago when the lookout called out, “Captain, two pirate ships on the horizon!” The captain remained calm, saying, “Men, bring me my red shirt!” His men brought him his red shirt, and the captain led his men to a brave victory against the odds.
A few days later, the lookout called, “Captain, three pirate ships on the horizon!” Once again, the captain asked for his red shirt, and once again he led them to a courageous victory, although his men were greatly outnumbered. Later that day, one of the captain’s men asked him why he always asked for his red shirt. The captain chuckled and said, “Well, that’s just so that if I get wounded you won’t see my blood, and you’ll fight without fear.”
A few days later, the lookout called out, “Captain, eighty-seven pirate ships on the horizon!” The captain quickly yelled, “Men, bring me my brown pants!”

Finding the right person for the right job:
You take 100 bricks and put them (in absolutely no order) in a room with a door and one window. You choose 2-3 candidates and send them to that room and close the door. You leave them in there alone for about 6 hours and then analize the situation.
- If the candidates counted the bricks - they’re good for accounting;
- If they double count them - audit;
- If they arranged the bricks in a weird order - planning;
- If they throw bricks at one another - operations;
- If they’re sleeping - receptionists;
- If they broke the bricks into pieces - IT;
- If they’re sitting around doing nothing - human resources;
- If they swear they tried several combinations yet, no brick has been moved from its place - sales department;
- If they took off for the rest of the day - marketing;
- If they stare outside the window - strategic planning;
- If they talk to each other and not a single brick has been moved - well, congratulate them: TOP Management

Two truck drivers applied for a job. One said, “I’m Joe and this is my partner, John; when I drive at night, he sleeps.”
The foreman said, “All right, I’ll give you an oral test. It’s two o’clock in the morning. You’re on a little bridge and your truck is loaded with nitroglycerin. All of a sudden a truck comes toward you at about 70 miles per hour. What’s the first thing you do?”
Joe said: “I wake up my partner, John. He never saw a wreck like this before.”

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the gentleman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the gentleman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The gentleman replied, “Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?”

A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!”
“Very good,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
“Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” She yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!”
“Very good,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
“Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”
“No, Honey, it’s because you’re 25.”